Love Phoenix,Suzaku!

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Fate decides it all.And It wants to torture me!!!

Bah, it had been decided that i'll be studying in Kuching permanently...Studying Sciences, the subjects that I dread so much, the subjects that i vowed never to take again. Sigh, if arts subjects were in English that would be a different story but no..... they have to use malay to teach it. Will begin my search for any nearby tuition for Chem and Maths. Luckily, heard that tuitions are cheap in Malaysia when compared to Brunei.

Decided to join the English club, The Red Crescent Society and ummm, for sports, i might take up bowling or badminton or any other 'easy' sports. Just have to go to the Red crescent for like 18 times a year and the other two clubs for 12 times. Should be easy. But i did take another extra co-curricular activities to gain more marks for my report. Librarian. Heard that it's one of the easiest way to gain more marks,so i just took it. Should be nothing except that i'll be going there every Wednesday.

Currently trying to patch all of flyff's files and it's taking so damn long!!! Why can't they put it with the downloads? Been patching for like 2 hours and it seems like an endless task! But what to do? Have to find something to entertain me until i get back to Brunei for the holidays on 18th Aug. Should be around that date BUT!!! I heard that everyone will be having their tests and exams around that date too!!! Drat! If i miss that chance to go out with them, then i have to wait around until December! Hmmmm, must plan AEAP.

My life is currently as boring as hell! Though the relatives i'm staying with are all swell and good people, they have their own life too, you know....So like i'll be sticking around the house with no one and if i go crazy one day, it has to be because i've been in the house for too long. Hmmm, seems like all i'm doing in my blog is complain,complain and complain which i love to so much. Am wondering what happening in Brunei... There might be a news/rumour so big that i don't even know. Sigh....makes me feel so detached from Brunei... please, someone, keep me updated with the rumours. I can't live without them.

There are a few good things in Kuching that i have to say:
1. The food!!! OMG!!! Everywhere you go, there're bound to be all sort of food! Hmmm, might be the food heaven on Borneo Island. If i keep what i had been doing this entire week, you might see fatty siang the next time i go back.

2. My dad agreed that i could buy a new laptop here if it's cheap.... Hmmm, since i have more freedom now than ever, I might as well buy a PS2 while I at it. Heard that it's around Rm 700
here so, i should be able to buy it. But.....Where can i get a tv? There's only one in the house and it isn't mine...Well, i'll see first, maybe i'll buy a new phone too, Haha~~~ Daydreaming~~

3. Jeff suggested that maybe i should go buy lots of stuff to make up for my mental needs. Errr, he's trying to convert me into a 'Bai jia' person like him, but he does have a point. I mean, if there's nice clothes here, i'll just buy them and use the excuse that i'm buying it for the Chinese New Year,haha!! There's one catch though.....The fashion they sell in Kuching tend to be a little more outdated than other parts of the island like Miri. Hmmm, i'll just pick stuff i like. Haha, if i find it unattractive after buying it, I'll just give it to ppl when i get back to Brunei! HAHA~~~

Oh yeah, no one knows it but i've cut my hair the day before i left Brunei. Well, somehow, it look like the style middle aged men loves to cut when i wake up late in the morning err...afternoon. Wash it and it instantly becomes more stylish. Maybe i should post my current photos of my current hair..... Nah, don't want to give anyone a chance to laugh at my pathetic face.

And there's one thing..... the dogs outside tend to howl every night from a specific hour but until a specific time, they all stopped howling all together. Feels creepy especially in the middle of the night. Everything is sooo silent. Escpecially when all the noises disappear together at the exact same time. And i thought that time just stop... And i just felt weird... I can't really describe it but feels like i'm being watched by many eyes but there isn't really anyone there....Hmmm, my mental health must be getting worse... might even be getting deaf.

Anyway, thanks to some people, i've made it through the first week in Kuching with only little emotional difficulties.
Thanks for:
Sze yee: For calling me as frequently as she could. Even finish her credits just for me though it was gonna be finish anyway -_-"
May yan: Messaging me. At least eventhough she had not been in Brunei, she still offer me emotional supports! Hmph, unlike some other ppl.
Eteng: She's the only one who actually showed some care. Heard from my sis that she called my house to know my number.
Jeff: Aiya, i know you're a cheap guy,so i didn't really expect you would call me. Bleh! But still, at least you are still aware that i'm still alive somewhere and not dead yet unlike some others!

As for others, thanks for letting me to pour all my grievances t0 you on MSN. You know who you are~~~Seriously, unlike some other ppl, yuck! You only know who your true friends are when you've having trouble.

By the way, my number is 0168939737. There, if anyone who still does know my numbers will get a piece of my mind when i go back. Do not give me any excuse! Hmph~~~

You Are 28% Shy

You are slightly shy, but overall, your reactions to social situations are normal.
You dread difficult social situations, but you still handle them with grace.

How Shy Are You?

Labels: Acquaintance, Crossroads, Events, Life, Me

SS Phoenix @ 7:29 PM

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Saturday, April 07, 2007

Life's like LOL??!!!

Today i found a shocking fact that there's a friendly malay girl from an all girl's school had been in all of my class (History,Sociology,Eng Lit and EAS) for the past 2 months. Well, almost. She dropped her EAS and changed to GP so, almost every class. But she's also have the same PS block with me and has the same Civic class. Kektio, such a coincidence and i just realize today...... *lots of lines coming down in dark blue background*

Haiz, i think i'm stuck in MD liao lo~~~~Drat! Even if i wanted to go, i don't have a chance. Yeah right, the'r words was like treating me like a mature adult and yet in the end, to them, i'm just their little boy forever. Jeez wheez, they want me to grow up and mature but how could i if they're actually not letting me. Parents.......sigh. I think i'm trap in the bonds that will destroy my future life.

So,how do you guys think of the new layout? Found it on blogskins and couldn't resist to use it. Of course i kept a copy of Piang's work and i think i'll switch between them,hohoho. Plus, what do you guys think about the song 'Set the fire to the third bar' by Snow Patrol? Is it my taste getting worse or just that my sis doesn't really have any good sense in music anyhow. I prefer to say that she has worse taste than me. Kids can't really 'feel' the songs. That's a phrase i've gone through.

I'll be busy next week....real busy. All my sub are gonna be doing lots of stuff like we'll be having a quiz with assessment marks in EAS, Essay from Socio due on next Thursday,Play in English Lit which we have to memorise the lines( all the thee and thou,jeez) and for history, a possible essay assignment. *Faints* Plus, i'll be presenting the Civic stuff on Monday which i did not entirely lay a finger on it or even seen it yet. The unforturnate partner of mine is doing all the work, so to not entirely embarass myself,i'm doing research now on prayer. I think maybe i'll also get some info on other religion's prayer, to prepare myself and enrich the presentation. God, i have to speak Malay!(which i got E last yr for the oral......)

Thinking of dropping Kendo,too bothersome to go from place to place.Especially when my transports are limited. Unless i drive which wouldn't happen for at least a year. Sigh~~~ Life's a joke if ya ask me.

I find that some people are so funny because unlike me, they crave for popularity which i think is an empty thing to have. Why have plastic when you can actually have warmth? In fact, i happen to laugh at the one who wants popularity more than everything else. I mean, anyone can achieve popularity, just that it's something i think will pass eventually. I've been popular once,(note:once) but i just threw it away. It kinda limits stuff you can do. And why would you need it when you don't have the real 'soul'? I rather have the real 'soul' devoted then having a temporary shelter full of lies~~~~

You Are As Cool As They Come

Rational and relaxed, no one could accuse you of being dramatic.
You roll with the punches, and nothing ever gets you too worked up.
You are able to maintain perspective and see the big picture.

And even if you're emotional inside, you don't let it show.
You're great at keeping it together, and you're rewarded for that.
People see you as an ideal friend, employee, and partner.

Are You a Drama Queen (or King)?

Seriously, i'm really full of drama. So, REJECT!

Labels: Acquaintance, Blog, Crossroads, Skool

SS Phoenix @ 4:07 PM

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Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Is it a crime to have second thoughts?

Oh my god, i guess i'm quite 'wu ke jiu yao' liao. Now, i'm having second thoughts about going Kuching...............again. KEK DAO~~~~i CAN"T make up my mind.....ok, i know i said that when i get accepted,i'll definitely go but now because i'm starting to like MD,arrrgh~~~~ actually, it seems that there's something violent running about in Sarawak. Call me weak, i'm used to Brunei being boring but still, it's sooooooo peaceful le~~~~

Aiyo, i know i can go to Kuching without dying or getting too home-sick but the catch is, is it a better choice for me? That is the question. Though i'm quite upset that i didn't get to do Business. Toink! We must all realize that what i'm taking now in MD is good for a few selected and limited job. Lawyer,journalist,writer,mass media stuff,sociologists,ummmmmm historian? Duh, when i look at these job options, questions cross my mind. These jobs are giving me questions like 'Hey, how much do i earn from these jobs?' Basically, i can only see that my future is dim at the moment. Ever heard that journalists and writers are very,very poor unless you're the next J.K Rowling but she was also tight before Harry Potter was published.

Yeah,right. A lawyer/attorney???!!! Please la, i think i heard that the people study law from England la~~~~ Plus, i wouldn't be able to move from country to country or change my profession to much extend if i become one. Plus, i have an unclear speech problems and i will be dreaming about my next life if i want to study law in England la. And my parents might not be able to send me to study law even in Malaysia. I'll most likely end up in UBD if i stay here and what can i study in UBD???!!! History kah and become a poor scholar for the rest of my life? Sociology? Become what? Sociology teacher meh? I thought about that the most lowly job i'll go for is teacher. Not really lowly la,but to me, i hate kids so there,i might go berserk and kill them......hahaha~~~~

The reason i wanted to go to Kuching was because I'll have a second chance of choosing the subjects over again and this time,business and accounting are in my consideration. At least i think i'll survive out in the society. I can become an accountant and live the boring paperwork life or a business man who knows his accounts so he wouldn't be cheated. Sadly the choice i made in selecting the subject i'm studying now are all based on my dream. But face it, this is the real world. There's only working class waiting for me if i follow my dream. I know it sounds like i'm getting mild and dreamless, which some said without dreams then you'll be worthless.
But, since studying sociology, i must think that maybe because people follow their dreams that they end up as working class and middle class. Never the upper class people. Ok, some people do succeed but what are the chances? i think it's even less than 0.1 out of 10. Where do you get all the rich?

Ok, i'm in denial. I'm just feeling insecure,that's all. I thought that i should learn more skills in order to survive the harsh world. Thinking of learning skills such cooking,hairstyling.....etc. Those professions that involves skills. At least i'm be able to open my own cafe and such lo. Haiz, being 'duo xin' will kill one if ya know what i mean. So, this huge thing has been giving me headache for quite some time. Even my dad's think that staying in Brunei might be good for me. Duh~~~~~It's because i want to start to rely on myself rather than my parents, that's why i have the idea to go anyway. Plus, if i start Form 6 there in Malaysia, i might even get a loan from the govt to study uni la. The very benefit i'm hoping for in the future, so i can lighten my parents' burden. It might not sound like me to sound like that,i guess.

Anyhow, if i really need to decide liao before the payment to enter AS Level closes this Thursday. Well, now i have a funny thought. There's always room for insurance agents and salesperson..........AHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Visioning

You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights.
You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details.

An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path.
You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.

What's Your Thinking Style?

Labels: Crossroads, Skool

SS Phoenix @ 9:15 PM

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Ummmm.....*face blushes*

Today,i discovered a weird thing about my History lecturer. She's nice and all but i think she really,really,really likes chinese people lo. I don't know,just think it was kinda weird for her to keep praising us chinese. Maybe she was being sarcastic? But ummmm, i don't really think so though, she seems kinda real when she's praising..... She's saying that chinese are very organised(......on second thought,maybe she has yet to see the unorganised ones)and disiplined . Ummmm, does this all apply to me? Don't really think so. Anyhow, there was also one day when she was kidding with the guys in the class and it was something about joking about a guy's gf. She was saying something like chinese are not 'hiao' or something like that and that we're a hardworking race which we're all taking 4 to 5 subjects . She says that them,the Malays should learn from us chinese in a lot of ways.

Anyhow, that's not the point. Everytime she praises the chinese, after one praise or two, she'll go like 'Right,Siong Siang?' Ummmm, quite paiseh,given that i wasn't quite the teachers' favourite in CHMS. Why huh? and that's not all, everytime the teacher ask 'Right,SiongSiang?' Everyone looks into my direction, i mean like.....the whole class.The front turn to face me and the side turn left to face me too. Ummm, actually i don't really know how to handle a situation like that. I could only just give a smile......... I wonder if the people in class will become hostile to me........ maybe backstabbing me like i'm a teacher's pet or something......(which got me thinking that i'm one of the 2 chinese in class,why me? because i sit nearer to the front than him?)

Anyhow, when we got the form to apply for the AS Level today, it got me thinking again. Should i stay in Brunei or go to Kuching? The due date to pass up the form with the money is four days later for me(BE6). If i pass up the money, that means i'm staying la. Money cannot refund man....... and if i don't pass up and if the Kuching there don't accept me, then i'll miss my chance
to take AS Level for my 3 subjects recommended to do AS. God, my head hurts!

Oh yeah, currently sacrificing my precious time to do my history homework to play the NBA2 Elbert put up. Damm you and thank you both at the same time for making me addicted to the game. Took only 20minutes to download. I must say, it's harder than the Demo.... kept losing.

Ah well, all i can say it,life is full of decisions(which i am not go at making) and surprises.

You Are Strawberry Ice Cream

A bit shy and sensitive, you are sweet to the core.
You often find yourself on the outside looking in.
Insightful and pensive, you really understand how the world works.

You are most compatible with chocolate chip ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Labels: Crossroads, Games, Skool

SS Phoenix @ 6:12 PM

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

ZzZzZzZzOink,Oink! zZzZzZzZ

NOOOOOO! Holiday almost over liao and i still haven't started on my homework.*Sob* How cruel and indirect can this world get as in holiday which everyone will think that it's a few days rest from all those work when it could have meant that it's homework days. Happy Homework Days,sheesh......Have you guys ever see an adult who goes on vacation with the burden of work from their jobs? Well, maybe some but i don't see all of them! and since we're considered adults ourselves, then maybe we should be given no work during the holidays,huh?

There's only 2 homework for me in the hoildays but still
1. History: 3 pages(minimum) essay in which i have to take out the points from 7 sets of notes. Plus, when you have your handwriting as small and cramp as me, boy isn't it easy.

2. Sociology: 8 questions of Short Answering Question. Have to read a 7 page notes which is photocopied from 14 pages of a book with the letters smaller than my handwritings.

How easy isn't it. Doesn't seem to involve much writing. Just reading and that's easy. Stupid! My perfect eyes and delicate mind will explode! And horoscope said that today i'll be able to solve a problem which had bothered me for a while. Here I am, typing this post when i could use the time to do the work. One word: LAZY~~~~~~~

I wouldn't be going out for a while,don't want to scare the hell out of people with my disastrous and hideous face. Caught the 'red eyes' yesterday and recovered today.Close call. Went out to watch movies a few days ago for two times. 'Haunted School' and 'The Unseeable'. Reviews? Personally, i think the visual effects of Haunted School is way better than the unseeable. Both are not really scary la cos the unseeable uses the element of surprise to scare people nia. Not really creepy. But know what? The girls' uniform looks like the uniforms that the CHMS girls wear. Same colour and same dress length. Buahahaha! The guys' are the same as CHMS too, except that the colour of the shorts are somewhat yellowish green. Kinda like the colour of the poo the babies make when they got scared.

I decided to join more clubs in school rather than to limit myself to one. Considering Counsellor, GO(because many chinese) and some other la. Wonder where can we join those clubs. And i also want it to match my time schedule. See first la. Can really decide anything. Yup, that's me....always find it hard to make the right choices.....Sigh.....Life is just so dreadful yet so beautiful!

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is passionate and physical.

With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situation, you seem like you're oblivious to the stress.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

Labels: Crossroads, Movies, Skool

SS Phoenix @ 6:20 PM

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

Doors

I'm a person who likes to have many choices to choose from. Two or three is just too insecure for me. Don't be shock if i tell you that i have five(more or less) ideal jobs for myself. I might be going to MD for now but i'm also applying for a government school in Kuching. If i can, i'll surely go there. Brunei is just not the place i want to be working. Heck, jobs here in Brunei is rather limited for foreigners like me.(Preferences for locals)

Since i have a lot of relatives in Kuching, expenses is trimmed down to about the same price as the expenses i'll be spending in Brunei. And i can easily get part time in Malaysia too. An experience of a lifetime to learn to be not dependant of my parents. Will really miss them but if i ever let go of this precious chance, will i ever get another? Most unlikely.

The orientation wasn't as bad as i imagine. Just plain boring. There's really nothing good to mention and nothing bad too. Just felt happy that none of those teacher who gives boring speeches are my teachers or else i'll sleep right in their faces.

I have one 'ang mo' teacher teaching English Literature and that classroom is at the back of the library. Small room but the air conditioning's great. He's requiring us to do a coat of arms so he can remember us better. I'm having English 'AS' in the conference room until june because there's no room left for class. Same with Eng Lit. The chair's comfortable but it's so damn stuffy that i almost fainted. Well, falling asleep would be more appropriate.

Both history and sociology teacher are female Malays. Both are ok teachers except that i hate it when the history teacher pop out Malay that i don't understand. She would speak in English and Malay alternately. Not a uncommon sight. I'm starting to adapt to MD life now but i'm still hoping to go Malaysia. And i did not get a single book from any of my subjects today. Makes my day easier. Got three texts form Eng AS and was asked to read it all and discuss it on Sat. Easy work as each text are only one page and i've got two days to read it. Phew, i'm glad i didn't get any work involving writing so soon.

You Were a Whale

You see the unseen and connect on the deepest level.
You help others find their soul's song.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

I'm a whale,i'm a whale, wakk!

Labels: Crossroads

SS Phoenix @ 3:35 PM

Leaving love at |3:35 PM| ~-~ 0 Hearts given

Yours Truly KSS